My assumption is that you have googled the life out of the addiction, so I am not going to waste your time telling you things you probably already know and are feeling overwhelmed with information. Maybe you are now looking for solutions, not details. I hope you find these pages helpful and easy to navigate
Right now, I want to assure you that there's nothing wrong with you and that you're not damaged or broken. You’re just using coping strategies that are causing more problems than they solve. However, or whatever you are feeling right now, I get it. I have been there, and use my recovery from addiction and my therapy training to help people.