Some of the most difficult times in our lives is that when we lose a loved one or someone close to us. Death is a part of life, we can lose someone after a long illness, or it can be suddenly. The grief and loss afterwards is also part of life, however that doesn't make it any easier to go through.
Maybe the person that you have lost was poorly for a long period of time, and perhaps they were suffering. Many clients often speak of the guilt they feel for feeling that the passing is a blessing as the person is no longer suffering. They made the best of the time they had, maybe they helped in part in arranging the funeral so that it was as they had wished. You maybe had time to say goodbye.
Sadly we can lose people suddenly, this can raise questions such as “why them”, “why now” or “did I miss something” or “only if”, questions that we do not really get answers to. Unfortunately, we do not get to say our goodbyes, or even to be there in those final moments.
Talking with loved ones about our wishes should anything happen does not happen as much as it should and can often add to the upset of taking care of the deceased's affairs. Often there are differences of opinions of how arrangements are to be made.
Experiencing the loss and sadness is something that we have to, unfortunately, go through, it is not something that can be accelerated or stopped. As time passes, most people find they are able to adapt to their grief and return to some kind of normal life. While some experiences will still trigger your grief (such as films, songs or smells) you have learnt to grow around it and find space for other things in your life. Birthdays, anniversaries and family events will always bring back the pain and discomfort, but the ‘first’s’ are usually the hardest.
For some that grief and sadness remain, sometimes having a large impact on their life. They just can’t seem to move forward or are unable to remember the deceased in happy memories. There are 5 stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I often get asked about how long it takes, and the answer to that is that “I don’t know”. Moving through some of the stages can be quicker than others, or we can find that we alternate between them.
One of the best recommendations for dealing with grief is to talk about it. Bereavement therapy is a way to help you to loosen the grip that grief has on your life. It will never remove it completely and nor would we want it that way.
I see bereavement therapy as a way to help loved ones to "let go" of some of the grief, for some people it will never completely subside. The sessions help you to be able to look past the grief and be able to enjoy the happy memories of your loved one. I sometimes describe it as looking through a window with condensation, therapy helps to clear the view through the glass.
‘When my dad died I describe it as being stabbed in the gut and in the months and years that follow there were triggers that when I thought of him it felt like someone was twisting the knife, a little bit at a time robbing me of being able to enjoy life. I tried to get counselling through doctors and even work but nothing helped, I spent years trying to navigate my life carrying the grief every day. When I started working with Thomas for anxiety he uncovered that much of my struggles were linked back to my father's death. I cannot thank Thomas enough for how much he has helped me, he truly understands grief and finds the right way to help you at the right time.’
Don't worry that hypnosis will make you face up to things before you are ready. That isn't the object at all. The purpose is to allow you to take a deep breath, stop, spend some 'you' time and help you to relax and connect with your inner strength.
You may find that you are then able to clarify your thoughts and get things done, which will take the pressure off, and stop you from worrying about whether you will be able to cope with everything.