Who Am I? - My Story - The Lighter Days
Following on from my previous blog ‘The Dark Days'
I wrote previously about The Dark Days, and my life of addiction, this blog is about the rebuilding of my life once I had hit that rock, rock bottom.
It was 14th January 2016, I had been thrown out of home, spent 3 days in the hospital and then had to register as homeless. I will say it again, that was probably the best thing that could have happened that gave me the kick up the a@se that I needed. I was extremely lucky that some family members reached out to offer support and I was able to stay with them until I got a council flat. I also had amazing friends that rallied around too. I would not be where I am now without their kindness and support.
Since January 2016 I have used drugs 3 times and that was in the first few months. I did carry on drinking alcohol for a period until one night after 4 cans I threw up, I took that as a sign that I was done with the booze too.
I threw myself into the recovery process. I went to daycare, Narcotics Anonymous, engaged with recovery by consistently going to meetings and I did that for 3 years. Between them, they stripped away my ego (in a nice way), called me out on my attitude, and bull s**t. Slowly, my humble side appeared again. I believe that they saved my life. I talk about this being my blank canvas, which left me able to start painting a new and improved life for myself.
It started with just having a basic simple life. Daily, I focused on my recovery. I just did what I needed to do to get my head on the pillow having not used any drugs or drink. I had an idea of a future, but it was out of focus, something was there but I couldn’t fully see it. It might sound a bit “woo-woo”, but I just let things happen. As and when opportunities appeared I either took them or not, depending on whether they felt right. It wasn’t just about engaging in recovery it was also about painting that canvas and painting my new life. Slowly my canvas came to life.
In my early recovery, I had some hypnotherapy, and it was amazing. So much so that I decided to train as a Clinical Hypnotherapist. In early recovery, you are advised to be cautious about making big changes too soon. Eg. New relationships, new jobs etc. However, this felt right. My hypnotherapist helped me find a course; it started in May 2016. The tutor of the course did have reservations about me being so early into recovery but thankfully saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself. I qualified in 2017 and started my own business.
I found some casual jobs to supplement my finances, and as my business grew, I became financially self-sufficient. I no longer relied on benefits.
I had a purpose and was now able to buy. It started with the little things like paying for a proper food shop, buying Christmas presents, small ones, but still buying some, paying for my MOT, and buying a washing machine. Everyday things for most people, but for me, they were huge milestones.
I try to live honestly now, with no lies or cover-ups- ok not as many let’s say!! I can say I like who I see in the mirror most days. I can say I am worthy. I have rebuilt the trust and hopefully, the respect that I shattered with those around me.
My recovery was hard at the start, but it did get easier. Recovery does not have an expiry date, however, I can now see that the hard work is worth it. Challenges still turn up as they can in anyone’s life, and I am grateful to have a toolbox of techniques to help me. Old friends have come back into my life as well as many new ones. The relationship with my family is the best it has ever been.
Over time and as my life continued to move forward, new considerations appeared such as:
- What about a partner?
- Do they have to be in recovery? If not, how do I feel about them drinking?
- My thoughts about them being HIV-positive or Negative
I was working in catering and was around alcohol, but I didn’t feel that fear, it didn’t bother me. I started to ponder about alcohol being on the table as an option. Just here and there New Year's eve etc. Just a couple. So I did. I know what you are probably thinking, and I had to think about those very same things. I am comfortable with it and well aware it could go wrong but I have tools and people around me to keep in check. Many of my clients just want to control it and self-manage so that’s what we work towards. I have learnt a lot from my clients.
When it comes to drugs, that is a hell no, it is not and never will be considered, that is a no go. Do thoughts pop in my head- yes, every now and then maybe when I see those bags or see someone injecting on TV. The bags don't bother me, whereas injecting makes me cringe.
Hypno Thoughts Live in Las Vegas is the world’s largest Hypnosis Conference and in 2023 where I had the privilege to present my ‘‘The Work Out Of The Chair’ session on how I work with clients to other therapists so they are more comfortable working with addiction and I was so proud of myself that I was able to present and it wasn’t even on my radar. The opportunity popped up so jumped at it. (the video of it is on my YouTube channel.
I took my addiction to the extreme and thought I would never get ever get out of addiction. However, I did get out. I had to do it the hard way. I truly believe that people do not have to hit rock bottom to recover. Can it help? Maybe. It can push people into a corner that they are not going to get off. There is no need to lose everything in life. I would not want anyone to reach the dark places I went to. Being able to look back on my life with more clarity, I can see there were times when I could have taken control back but buried my head in the sand. Many of my clients are functioning people, the drink or drugs are just starting to take hold. My advice - act now. I can promise you it is a fight you are not going to win, and the further down that road you go the harder the fight and the harder to recovery will be.
I didn’t do it alone, there were people around me to help, I just needed to ask for it and lean on them for support and, to keep me in check, pat me on the back (until I could do it myself)
‘It takes a village’
If you feel that addiction or issues around alcohol, or drugs, are impacting areas of your life and you want to explore what options are available to you, please get in touch. One thing you’ll never get from me is judgment. I simply want to support you through your journey and find solutions that work for you so book an appointment today.